Wankered in Woodingdean

Funny ol' week really.

There was the snow for starters, and the angst of "Do I, don't I go to work"? Its not always recognised that Woodingdean, sitting on top of the South Downs, like Smaug on his treasure hoard, is subject to localised weather! I've left Woodindean in thick fog on occasion and boarded the bus, only to find the weather totally different in the valley.

There's been some sort of flu thing going around. I had it, now the rest of the family has had it, the lucky last contestants being Jo and Kaz. Kaz has soldiered on in the way she does...imagine the scene. Kaz is involved in a serious industrial accident that involves chopping her arm off....

"Oh it ok, I just seem to have severed my arm off at the elbow. Yeah, its a bit painful...I suppose I should go to the hospital but I really have to go into work for the team meeting today."

"Kaz!" I reproach her. "Its your fuckin' arm! Its hanging off! Blood is splattered everwhere! I really think you should consider not going into work today!"

"Oh stop being so melodramatic. I'm sure another one will grow back in a few months or so."

Whereas Jo seems to think she can muscle in on us lads territory and has come down with a virulent strain of man flu.

On Friday night the Goddards and Madam X came over to the wild frontier (Woodingdean) for something to eat, and perhaps more importantly, something to drink. It probably wasn't a brilliant call on my part. Chris, the "poppet" plasterer- recommended by Madam X, had been at our house today. After he left, there was a film of plaster dust everywhere! Kaz was on a mission. We had to clean all the downstairs rooms, sweep, wash the floors, clean the frigging bogs... and on top of that cook a meal! "Why the fuck did I come up with this bright idea," I muttered as I washed the tide mark off the bath, "and come to think of it, why can't the bloody kids (huh! 20 and 15 year olds in particular) clean the poxy bath??!!" Kaz utilised her stock answer... "Because we're the adults and they're the children." OH FUCK RIGHT OFF! Its hardly bleedin' child labour is it?

Ty arrived, suited and booted. He's had man flu this week and looked a bit rough...even for him. Tina arrived separately, without Izzy. And latter Madam X, the most Luddish of all my comrades arrives too. She has a new mobile, but doesn't know how to swop sim cards (??) Apparently someone at work usually does it for her....

Mr G is initially glum ("I'm dying! No. No, really I'll just drink tea... Ok maybe just a glass of red with dinner." ) Three hours latter, he's standing up, gerating his hips, crooning into a whisk "I'm stoned in love with you."

Tina looks flushed...gin always does that to her.

Madam X sits slightly detached, finding the idiotic bahaviour of the rest of us quite amusing! She was wearing a very alluring perfume which I can't resist smelling, but as this involves touching her neck I feel I'm bordering on getting a slap...from either Kaz or Madam X, or both! I spray a little of the delectable liquid onto Kaz, aiming for the knap of her neck, but miss a bit and some gets into her hair!

Its always a nice evening when I get to hang out with Madam X and the Goddards. The evening finishes about 1am. Kaz crashes immediately our guests depart. Our bedroom door handle got busted earlier in the week and Honey has exploited the situation shamelessly to push the door open with her nose and curl up on the bed. Kaz lies in bed, eyes shut, a look of tranquilty on her face. I hear the pad of doggy feet, just as Honey is about to jump onto the bed, a voice cuts through the darkness "Get in your basket!" Before I can think, I'm half out of bed before I realise Kaz is shouting at the dog!