A piece of pie

You can learn a lot about people and their attitude towards things by the way they eat pie. Some people wolf it down; the dessert barely touches the sides. They don’t taste the food, then look hungrily on whilst others eat theirs more slowly. For them the dessert is merely a physical thing to fill their stomachs. They are the people ready to take advantage of a second helping before anyone else gets a look in. Then there are those who eat a slice from the thin end of the pie, savouring the flavours. They start off with a small piece allowing the taste buds to tingle, gradually eating larger and larger segments going up the pie. It’s almost like building up to an orgasm. They are your deferred gratification types. Then there are those who deconstruct the pie. Perhaps there is a little too much cream on it? Perhaps the pastry is too flaky or too soggy? Maybe they don’t like biscuit bases. Instead of refusing the pudding, they pull it apart to get to the bits they like. They seek to impose their world view upon an external entity. They read the last chapter of a novel out of sequence to see if they like the ending.

And then there is Ty! The other night Kaz and I finally got to see Sally’s house and have a meal with her after several aborted attempts. Ty and Tina were there, and Paula (whose boots are made for walking!) joined us too. The meal was excellent and Sally fussed around feeding us course after course. Then we came to dessert. There was a fruit salad made up of berries and a home made cheese cake. Slices of the rich dessert were cut, the biscuit base thick and crunchy and the topping sweet yet light. A normal slice was plenty. Ty, clearly a dessert kind of guy, started on the fruit intending to progress to cake. But disaster! Tina, his wife, was in charge of proportionment. Now was her opportunity to wreak her terrible revenge on the unwitting Ty for all the slights he had ever given her. Philosophers say revenge is a dish best served cold… I don’t know if they were thinking of cheese cake, but this was to be the instrument that those sages had warned of.

Tina, winked to Kaz on Ty’s off side and with slow deliberation cut him a wafer thin slice of cake and passed it to him with her sweetest of smiles. It was like a knife to the heart. Ty’s eyes bulged slightly then narrowed to two slits- like Gordon Brown being advised that public sector unions didn’t think much of the pay freeze. "Is that it?" He enquired with barely suppressed rage. The rest of us, admittedly having had a few sherbets, fell about laughing.

Ty started to protest. Tina, he pointed out, knew how much he loved biscuit based desserts! And look at the slices everyone else had been given. He appealed to natural justice and all that is holy for another, more substantial piece of pie. Finally Tina relented. Or did she… No. she was determined to drive the dagger home. She cut Ty another slice only slightly wider than the last! He howled out his frustration and pain!

"It’s not fair!" He spluttered. "Look at everyone else’s pieces. They all got a goodly slice! Mine is pathetic…" At this point Kaz casually tossed in one of her verbal hand grenades. "You’re an only child aren’t you Ty?"

It was obviously now open season on all Ty Goddards. Sally turned to Paula and asked if her other half (David) who was working hard at home would like some of the much sought after dessert? Paula confirmed he would love it. There was still a fair wedge of pie left. Ty could get another piece by sharing the amount left over with David.

NOT ON YOUR NELLY!

Tina proceeded to scoop up the whole left over slice, dump it into a bowl and hand it to Paula… "Light the blue touch paper," I muttered to myself. And? Nothing! It was shock and awe all over again. Ty was almost speechless. Of course he carried on bravely, but we all knew the battle was lost and like the Iraqi Republican Guard his resolved melted into the night.

But I couldn’t help wondering, was this the end of the matter or would Ty like the insurgent Iraqis have the last laugh?

Sussex Ouse Valley Way Day 3

The final day of the walk started at the Chalk Pit Inn with a fantastic breakfast. We were well rested and ready to go. We had to retrace our steps to Offham and then cut down a bridleway that took us down through a wood and then took us along the side of a stream linking up with the Ouse. There was an enormous cacophany of sound coming from the stream. We thought it was ducks, but when we looked closer it was some frogs or toads. I have never heard such a loud noise from something so small. It was incredible.

The path then followed the river and crossed and led us into Lewes. We stopped off at the Harveys brewery shop and Dad bought a couple of bottles of ale to take home with him. Lewes is a funny little town. Its really middle class but also, whereas say Cheltenham is Tory, is definitely liberal with a small L. It still makes me scoff a little I guess.

Heading out of Lewes the path again followed the river. We headed towards Mount Caburn. The massive hill instantly recognisable across the Ouse, with paragliders taking off from its summit- loking like silk hankies. It this point we were now more able to see the birdlife on the river, Egrets, Herons, Canadian Geese etc. Pretty much this day followed the river along its winding course.

Soon we were heading through Rodmell, a delightful Sussex village. We stopped at the Abergavenny Arms. The pub garden was full of people with plummy voices that got under my skin. But we were thirsty so we sat there and Kaz and I had cider... but I managed to sit on a chair that had been hosed down and was still wet! So I ended up with a wet arse! I wasn't pleased!

As we approached Newhaven the path swung away from the river and took us inland along a path lined with trees. The path led up a hill and we stopped for lunch on the hill before continuing on. The sun beat down and we chilled out. There was something relaxing about sitting there laughing, chatting and feeling the grass beneath us. The run into Newhaven was the least enjoyable part of the walk, but I have never been na big fan of Newhaven. We stopped at another pub near the port- but it was the biggest craphole I have ever been in, still the beer was cold.

At the end of the walk we headed to Bishopstoke station and just missed a train! As we waited for the next train, rabbits came out and sat on the other platform, like long eared commuters!

It was a great walk and we all enjoyed it tremendously. Kaz now is up for the 1066 walk- about 30 odd miles- which we could do in two days.

Watch this space!